Tuuli Helkky Helle
WHY DID THESE PICTURES HAVE TO BE MADE?
The whole story goes so far back, that it is difficult to say were it all began. I remember watching a TV interview of the actress Soli Labbart. She was talking about the photo series taken of her aging body. This made a tremendous impact on me. I found myself in a situation where it was about time I accepted my own physical degradation, which underlined my disability even more. Until that moment my attitude towards nudity had been pretty reserved. But now it began to fascinate me, which was disturbing. Is this really appropriate, and especially at this age? I cannot say if I had the desire to make nude photos in the beginning, I do remember however thinking that a series of nude photos should be made of a disabled girl and started searching for a pretty girl who would be willing to pose for the photos. At that moment I was not thinking about myself as a suitable model. But after considering the subject matter for quite some time, I realized that it would not be so interesting to show a disabled girl who was resembling too much the models in the tabloid magazines. The model had to be really disabled and old. That meant myself, but whom could I tell about a crazy idea like this? I didn’t speak about it for many years. Two years ago, I was chosen to be the ‘prima ballerina’ for the dance performance OloTila (State of Being), which was directed by Tomi Paasonen. Tomi asked in the beginning of the project if I was interested to perform naked. I answered of course ‘yes’ and at the same time felt a bit ashamed about my enthusiasm! I had for many years considered this nudity theme and became aware of the various aspects it included. The fact that I have been dependent on help by other people since my birth means that I have not been able to decide in front of whom I was naked, but in this case, nudity would be entirely my decision. I also wanted also to raise questions on beauty; does a harmonious body and youth represent the one and only idea of beauty? In my poetry I had also found a new name for my body: a ‘gala dress’. To my disappointment it turned out that Tomi had other thoughts concerning nudity in the production OloTila. However, the dance performance had a big influence on me. Tomi undressed me from my wheelchair, without it I found myself in a new and unfamiliar ‘state of being’, which was very challenging. It sparked an at times also quite intense dialogue between the spirit, the mind and the body. As the idea of nudity had emerged again, I decided in spring 2001 to attempt the realization of the photo series, come what may. I turned to my friends and contacted some photographers asking for their possible interest to join the project, but I didn’t receive any positive feedback. I had thought of presenting my idea to Tomi as I had noticed his interest in taking pictures and strong visual language, but I hesitated and I thought Tomi would not dare to refuse as he is a kind person and a good friend, even if he was busy with other engagements. Finally I had the courage to tell him about my idea and he was very exited about it. We started to make the photos in August 2001 in connection with festival performances of OloTila. One could write an entire book on the shooting sessions and the preparations. As I had worked on this idea in my mind for such a long time, posing naked in front of the camera felt just like an exiting thing to do, but watching oneself in the photos was surprisingly difficult. I had doubts on the functionality of the photos and the basic idea. It was only a few days ago that I realized I could watch the photos not as me, but as pictures and enjoy their dynamic and harmony. I hope our photos give new perspectives to all the people who live in this world where exclusion is increasing! FOR YOU, WHO LIKE ME, HAVE YOUR OWN GALA DRESS! 10.10.2002 Tuuli Helkky Helle
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